we're blogging at a bar
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
