Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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