If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
