I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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