Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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