Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
