how can u be prego again
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
