I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
