I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
