Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
