I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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