Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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