how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
