Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
