ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
