Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
