This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
tell your sister to shave her snatch
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
