Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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