First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
