So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
