I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need a beard to bite.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
