I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
