Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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