why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Is it because I queefed?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
