Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
