I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
