when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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