Please, let me fuck your mom
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
His hands were made for my vagina.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
