my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
