the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
