Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
