Someone shit on the floor
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You ruined the universe
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
