So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
