Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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