ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
how can u be prego again
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
that may or may not have been my penis.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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