My balls are so social today.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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