fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
