Don't make out with my wife yet
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
