So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Girls should come with a carfax report
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
