I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
