There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
