I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
