Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
