You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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