Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
