$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
