he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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