My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You are the jesus of drinking
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
