Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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