Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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