I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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